Does being a mom just come natural to some people?
Is being a mom hard for everyone and some people just choose not to share their hard times?
Sometimes I ponder these questions as I am going through the day taking care of my kids. I think back about all the things I could of or should have done better. Maybe I should have allowed Lightening to try feeding himself breakfast or get dressed on his own. Then, I think back on the bad and wish I could have it to do over. I wish I had kept calm and not yelled at Lightening. Some moms seem so comfortable in their role while others show signs of "wear and tear" or tough times. The moms I see that are comfortable in their roles - while I sometimes struggle - makes me think: Are they just a natural at being a mommy and I'm not?
One woman in particular that I take a lot of advice from seems so natural being a mom. Of course, this may be because she has been a mom for 20 years. Yet, it seems like she had tons of answers even when she started out on her motherhood journey. She seems to have just known how to take care of her kids, explain things to them, and handle all their behaviors. Sometimes I wish all that wisdom could be transferred to me through a mind meld or something. Think how amazing mothers would be if we could actually do that. It would save a lot of stress, heartache, second guessing and trips to the doctor.
I have two little boys, and I still feel inexperienced and overwhelmed sometimes. I think about how ignorant I still am about being a mom and sometimes a wife. How can I do what's best for my family when I already feel overwhelmed and I am taking "shortcuts" now? Am I teaching my children the right things? Could I be rewarding my kids for the wrong things and actually be reinforcing that behavior? It's very tiring to have these questions go around and around in my head, but sometimes those doubts just won't stop.
So, I forcefully tell myself to "Stop It!" Life is a continuous learning process and you can't have all the answers at once. You figure out things that work best for you. If you have to give your kids crackers from the store instead of making them on your own, then that's what you have to do. Giving your kids a cookie occasionally won't hurt, either. If you want to use disposable diapers instead of cloth, then go for it.
Then, my questions still pop up, are their people that were naturally born to be amazing moms? I guess it is kind of a question of nature versus nurture, and I was a psychology major.
What do you think?
Showing posts with label General Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label General Parenting. Show all posts
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Three Ideas When Overwhelmed
What do you do when you are overwhelmed?
There are tons of articles out there about how to handle things when you are stressed or overwhelmed. A lot of them talk about taking a little time to pamper yourself or getting away. Unfortunately, those things are not always possible when you have two children to take care of and live on a very tight budget.
For the past week, I have been feeling worn out, overwhelmed and useless. I still kind of feel that way and that is one of the reasons I have not blogged. So, I have come up with three solutions to help myself and maybe help other mom's when they are feeling stressed out or overwhelmed due to basic life situations.
1. Just do the basics: The basics for people mean different things, but I mean cut down to the bare basics. Change diapers, clothes, feed children, feed yourself, play with the kids and wash the dishes. That is it! I only say the dishes because you can't clean up children's faces or cook efficiently when there is a stack of dishes in the sink. Otherwise, try to ask the hubby for help or don't worry about it because those things aren't going anywhere. On the other hand, your kids need you more, not the broom and dustpan.
2. Take a walk: Get the kids dressed warmly, put he/she/them in the stroller and go for a walk. Maybe stop at a park or where the children can walk safely and let them amble a while. The fresh air and exercise will help them to sleep better and give you a bit of a break.
3. Sleep: Do what you were told when you child was born...sleep when the baby sleeps. We usually don't need more than 8 hours of sleep, but when we are overwhelmed it can't hurt to make up those hours you lost when the baby was nursing at night.
Next time you are overwhelmed and can't get away from "life" try to do these things to give your mind and body a way to refuel.
Add any ideas you might have for when you are overwhelmed.
There are tons of articles out there about how to handle things when you are stressed or overwhelmed. A lot of them talk about taking a little time to pamper yourself or getting away. Unfortunately, those things are not always possible when you have two children to take care of and live on a very tight budget.
For the past week, I have been feeling worn out, overwhelmed and useless. I still kind of feel that way and that is one of the reasons I have not blogged. So, I have come up with three solutions to help myself and maybe help other mom's when they are feeling stressed out or overwhelmed due to basic life situations.
1. Just do the basics: The basics for people mean different things, but I mean cut down to the bare basics. Change diapers, clothes, feed children, feed yourself, play with the kids and wash the dishes. That is it! I only say the dishes because you can't clean up children's faces or cook efficiently when there is a stack of dishes in the sink. Otherwise, try to ask the hubby for help or don't worry about it because those things aren't going anywhere. On the other hand, your kids need you more, not the broom and dustpan.
2. Take a walk: Get the kids dressed warmly, put he/she/them in the stroller and go for a walk. Maybe stop at a park or where the children can walk safely and let them amble a while. The fresh air and exercise will help them to sleep better and give you a bit of a break.
3. Sleep: Do what you were told when you child was born...sleep when the baby sleeps. We usually don't need more than 8 hours of sleep, but when we are overwhelmed it can't hurt to make up those hours you lost when the baby was nursing at night.
Next time you are overwhelmed and can't get away from "life" try to do these things to give your mind and body a way to refuel.
Add any ideas you might have for when you are overwhelmed.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
To Pacifier or Not to Pacifier?
That is the question.
The use of a pacifier can be a very heated discussion. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was pretty adamant about the fact that my child would not use a pacifier. In fact, I got a few pacifiers for my baby shower and thought, “I won’t need these.” I didn’t want my child to get used to needing something in his mouth and have it forever. I see kids with pacifiers that are at least 4 years old and that seems a little bit of overuse. Additionally, I didn’t want to have child’s mouth to be shaped by the pacifier.
Well…I was wrong, again
My oldest son came home with us from the midwife 5 hours after he was born. He slept 6 hours the first night, which was wonderful. The 2nd and 3rd night consisted of my husband and me taking turns using our pinky finger as something for him to suck on to calm down. From 10pm-4am, on the second night of my son’s life, he cried and fell asleep for only a few minutes at a time. My husband and I would fall asleep with him for a few moments only to be awakened 5-15 minutes later by more crying. We would take turns catching a few moments rest. I even called my mom at 12:30 am, hoping she would be awake, and asked what to do. The bath she suggested didn’t work. The third night, he was awake crying, again, from 10pm-2am.
The next morning (day 4) I was so tired and distressed I called the midwife asking what to do, while I was on a quick errand. She suggested for me to go home, try to feed him, put a pacifier in his mouth, and sleep with him on my chest. It was wonderful! He slept and the time of using the pacifier to pacify him was born. For many months, he had to fall asleep on me to be happy, which was fine because I needed those naps. Even now he falls asleep better for his nap when he falls asleep on me, on the couch.
My second son came home with us from the midwife when he was 8 hours old (I needed more rest that time). He slept pretty well from the beginning. For a while, he couldn’t fall asleep on me. He preferred falling asleep on his tummy in his bassinet. Additionally, although I tried to have him use a pacifier to calm himself down, it never worked. He spit it out each time. He preferred our pinky or his hand. Now, he is 4.5 months old and he still doesn’t like anything such as a pacifier, which I am happy about. Right now, he is getting teeth and he prefers a spit up rag, his hands, our fingers or a set of play keys to stuff in his mouth.
At this time, my husband and I are trying to slowly eliminate the pacifier from our oldest son, who will be 2 at the beginning of November. We have gotten him down to asking for the pacifier at naptime and bedtime. Most mornings we still have to sneak it from him and hide it. In the afternoon, he tends to just forget about it in his hurry to have a snack after his nap. About 2 weeks ago, we tried to get him to go to bed without it. After an hour of crying and him being at the point of hysteria, we came to the compromise that he could have it at sleeping times. I hope we can kick the pacifier habit soon.
The use of a pacifier can be a very heated discussion. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was pretty adamant about the fact that my child would not use a pacifier. In fact, I got a few pacifiers for my baby shower and thought, “I won’t need these.” I didn’t want my child to get used to needing something in his mouth and have it forever. I see kids with pacifiers that are at least 4 years old and that seems a little bit of overuse. Additionally, I didn’t want to have child’s mouth to be shaped by the pacifier.
Well…I was wrong, again
My oldest son came home with us from the midwife 5 hours after he was born. He slept 6 hours the first night, which was wonderful. The 2nd and 3rd night consisted of my husband and me taking turns using our pinky finger as something for him to suck on to calm down. From 10pm-4am, on the second night of my son’s life, he cried and fell asleep for only a few minutes at a time. My husband and I would fall asleep with him for a few moments only to be awakened 5-15 minutes later by more crying. We would take turns catching a few moments rest. I even called my mom at 12:30 am, hoping she would be awake, and asked what to do. The bath she suggested didn’t work. The third night, he was awake crying, again, from 10pm-2am.
The next morning (day 4) I was so tired and distressed I called the midwife asking what to do, while I was on a quick errand. She suggested for me to go home, try to feed him, put a pacifier in his mouth, and sleep with him on my chest. It was wonderful! He slept and the time of using the pacifier to pacify him was born. For many months, he had to fall asleep on me to be happy, which was fine because I needed those naps. Even now he falls asleep better for his nap when he falls asleep on me, on the couch.
My second son came home with us from the midwife when he was 8 hours old (I needed more rest that time). He slept pretty well from the beginning. For a while, he couldn’t fall asleep on me. He preferred falling asleep on his tummy in his bassinet. Additionally, although I tried to have him use a pacifier to calm himself down, it never worked. He spit it out each time. He preferred our pinky or his hand. Now, he is 4.5 months old and he still doesn’t like anything such as a pacifier, which I am happy about. Right now, he is getting teeth and he prefers a spit up rag, his hands, our fingers or a set of play keys to stuff in his mouth.
At this time, my husband and I are trying to slowly eliminate the pacifier from our oldest son, who will be 2 at the beginning of November. We have gotten him down to asking for the pacifier at naptime and bedtime. Most mornings we still have to sneak it from him and hide it. In the afternoon, he tends to just forget about it in his hurry to have a snack after his nap. About 2 weeks ago, we tried to get him to go to bed without it. After an hour of crying and him being at the point of hysteria, we came to the compromise that he could have it at sleeping times. I hope we can kick the pacifier habit soon.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Breaking-In Mommy: Bedtime
Bedtime! The one word that could strike fear into the hearts of many a child and their parents.
This area of life is on the areas that cause me the most concern. Am I putting my kids to bed at an appropriate time? Are they going to get enough sleep so they won’t be grumpy tomorrow? Will they be getting the amount of sleep a growing brain needs.
Then, there are my selfish concerns. Will I get enough sleep? How much can I get done after they go to bed before I go to bed? I need to clean the house, but the kids need to be in bed first.
The list for both sides of concern can go on and on. I’m a little overly anxious about the sleep thing and trying to do things “right” as I will describe in a later post, I am sure. So, what has been my solution for bedtime?
We do what works for us.
Other mom’s say they put their kids to bed around 7pm in their own room with something to help calm them to slowly fall asleep.
Sometimes that makes me feel really bad and that I am doing something wrong because my kids don’t get to bed until 9:30 or 10 and won’t fall asleep until 10:30. Additionally, my family members will say, “You will have to change that sleeping pattern when they start school.” In the past, this has caused me to worry more, but no more!
I have finally gotten over feeling guilty about this area. We are a different family. My husband and I both work from home. My work from home jobs only take about 10 hours a week and they are pretty flexible. I can work on them when I have time. With a 4 month old and 23 month old, that is usually at night after they are asleep or during a nap. My kids also wake up later, which is not possible for others families that have to be at work at a certain time. So, we do have a little bit of luxury in that regard.
As for changing their sleeping patterns, I don’t worry about that either as I have decided I will homeschool my children and that is a few years down the road in either case. How many times will their bed time change between now and then? How many different sleep schedules will we begin and end in that time? I am sure it will be too numerous to count.
We have just started implementing a routine, which seems to help keep things a bit more constant for the kids. We all get in mom and dad’s bed and turn off the light. Daddy reads a daily devotion and sometimes we discuss it a bit. By this time, the 23 month old is starting to fall asleep. Then, I nurse the 4 month old in the bed while I sing and hum “Jesus Loves Me”. This routine has been used for about 6 months or so and seems to help my oldest son a lot. The younger one is still ruled a lot by the needs of an infant. As he gets older, I think bedtime will be something where he knows what’s coming and be able to sleep like his brother.
Bedtime “time” no longer makes me feel guilty. All that matters is everyone is in bed and asleep, peacefully.
What kind of bedtime routine or time works for you?
This area of life is on the areas that cause me the most concern. Am I putting my kids to bed at an appropriate time? Are they going to get enough sleep so they won’t be grumpy tomorrow? Will they be getting the amount of sleep a growing brain needs.
Then, there are my selfish concerns. Will I get enough sleep? How much can I get done after they go to bed before I go to bed? I need to clean the house, but the kids need to be in bed first.
The list for both sides of concern can go on and on. I’m a little overly anxious about the sleep thing and trying to do things “right” as I will describe in a later post, I am sure. So, what has been my solution for bedtime?
We do what works for us.
Other mom’s say they put their kids to bed around 7pm in their own room with something to help calm them to slowly fall asleep.
Sometimes that makes me feel really bad and that I am doing something wrong because my kids don’t get to bed until 9:30 or 10 and won’t fall asleep until 10:30. Additionally, my family members will say, “You will have to change that sleeping pattern when they start school.” In the past, this has caused me to worry more, but no more!
I have finally gotten over feeling guilty about this area. We are a different family. My husband and I both work from home. My work from home jobs only take about 10 hours a week and they are pretty flexible. I can work on them when I have time. With a 4 month old and 23 month old, that is usually at night after they are asleep or during a nap. My kids also wake up later, which is not possible for others families that have to be at work at a certain time. So, we do have a little bit of luxury in that regard.
As for changing their sleeping patterns, I don’t worry about that either as I have decided I will homeschool my children and that is a few years down the road in either case. How many times will their bed time change between now and then? How many different sleep schedules will we begin and end in that time? I am sure it will be too numerous to count.
We have just started implementing a routine, which seems to help keep things a bit more constant for the kids. We all get in mom and dad’s bed and turn off the light. Daddy reads a daily devotion and sometimes we discuss it a bit. By this time, the 23 month old is starting to fall asleep. Then, I nurse the 4 month old in the bed while I sing and hum “Jesus Loves Me”. This routine has been used for about 6 months or so and seems to help my oldest son a lot. The younger one is still ruled a lot by the needs of an infant. As he gets older, I think bedtime will be something where he knows what’s coming and be able to sleep like his brother.
Bedtime “time” no longer makes me feel guilty. All that matters is everyone is in bed and asleep, peacefully.
What kind of bedtime routine or time works for you?
Monday, September 27, 2010
Breaking-In Mommy: Total Sleeping Times
Breaking-in mommy may seem like an odd title, but I thought it relevant for what I am going to write about for the next few days.
What does breaking-in mommy mean?
It means many things for first time moms as well as experienced moms.
One thing breaking-in mommy means:
• Your child may not sleep on schedule as some books say
All the books told me that my child would need around 12 hours of sleep at night and a total of about 15 hours of sleep a day.
I was really excited about this fact. That meant my child would have a 3 hour nap during the day where I could do my online work. Sure I might have to wait about 3 months until we both recovered, but, then, I would have the freedom to make money while he slept. Yeah!
That did not happen.
My first child decided that he only needed about 8-10 hours of sleep a night. He finally slept through the night (as defined by 5 hours of straight sleep) around 6 months of age. In addition, he only slept those 5 hours straight if he was in our bed. If he wasn’t in our bed, he would only sleep 2 or 3 hours straight. To this day (he is almost 2), he has to fall asleep in our bed and be moved to his bed later, where he will stay for the rest of the night.
As for naps, he needed two naps for the first year of life. He would take one at 11am and another around 3pm. Each of these naps was two hours long, but he would not take them without me. He needed to sleep on me from the 3rd day of life, with a pacifier (which was something I never wanted my children to use). Don’t get me wrong, I loved those first naps because I needed them as well, being a new mommy, but it gets a little old after a while.
One wonderful thing about that first little guy was how he could sleep anywhere at any time. If I had to go to the emergency room for my mom, and we were there for 6 hours, he would fall asleep if he needed to sleep. It was great!
Now, with my second child, who just turned 4 months old, it is totally different. He takes two 20-30 minute naps, one in the morning, one in the evening, and another 2 or 3 hour nap midday. Sometimes he will sleep up to 12 hours with only one or two feeding breaks, at night. Some of this odd schedule is the fact that his brother tends to like waking him up, if he gets the chance.
The thing I have learned is to go with what the child needs for sleep. If you need to catch a nap with them, do it! Don’t be ashamed. Also, don’t worry if you don’t get enough sleep one night. After all, you will either catch up somewhere and no one ever died from lack of sleep or lived longer for worrying about it.
What have you learned about sleep with you little ones?
What does breaking-in mommy mean?
It means many things for first time moms as well as experienced moms.
One thing breaking-in mommy means:
• Your child may not sleep on schedule as some books say
All the books told me that my child would need around 12 hours of sleep at night and a total of about 15 hours of sleep a day.
I was really excited about this fact. That meant my child would have a 3 hour nap during the day where I could do my online work. Sure I might have to wait about 3 months until we both recovered, but, then, I would have the freedom to make money while he slept. Yeah!
That did not happen.
My first child decided that he only needed about 8-10 hours of sleep a night. He finally slept through the night (as defined by 5 hours of straight sleep) around 6 months of age. In addition, he only slept those 5 hours straight if he was in our bed. If he wasn’t in our bed, he would only sleep 2 or 3 hours straight. To this day (he is almost 2), he has to fall asleep in our bed and be moved to his bed later, where he will stay for the rest of the night.
As for naps, he needed two naps for the first year of life. He would take one at 11am and another around 3pm. Each of these naps was two hours long, but he would not take them without me. He needed to sleep on me from the 3rd day of life, with a pacifier (which was something I never wanted my children to use). Don’t get me wrong, I loved those first naps because I needed them as well, being a new mommy, but it gets a little old after a while.
One wonderful thing about that first little guy was how he could sleep anywhere at any time. If I had to go to the emergency room for my mom, and we were there for 6 hours, he would fall asleep if he needed to sleep. It was great!
Now, with my second child, who just turned 4 months old, it is totally different. He takes two 20-30 minute naps, one in the morning, one in the evening, and another 2 or 3 hour nap midday. Sometimes he will sleep up to 12 hours with only one or two feeding breaks, at night. Some of this odd schedule is the fact that his brother tends to like waking him up, if he gets the chance.
The thing I have learned is to go with what the child needs for sleep. If you need to catch a nap with them, do it! Don’t be ashamed. Also, don’t worry if you don’t get enough sleep one night. After all, you will either catch up somewhere and no one ever died from lack of sleep or lived longer for worrying about it.
What have you learned about sleep with you little ones?
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